I'd read online that birds like taking showers, so I decided the other day when I was hopping in that I'd let him hang out on the shampoo rack while I washed my arse.

He loved the warm water.. I've never seen any living creature look so incredibly happy to be in water before.  I wish I had pics of him actually in the shower, but since that would involve a camera in the shower with me,  that didn't happen.    Here are some pics of Louie before he got dried off with the blow dryer.   (He loves that too btw)

      

and my most favorite pic of them all...

I have moved my blog.  Please visit my new blog at

http://queer-jero.blogspot.com 

My entries will be mirrored here and this blog will be around at least another year.  For the fresh new look and entries w/ comments, click on the above link.

                                                                                                                                                -Jero

Hello. I'm Jero. Nice to meet you. I moved here from blog-city and I am settling in quite nicely. Frankly, I like what blogger has to offer in terms of layouts and such. The fact that it's free and all tangled up in the google web is the icing on the cake. I hope you'll stay a while and get to know me. I plan to update this blog frequently and share the highlights of my life with you.

From Tina’s Blog:

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?  Egg nog if it’s spiked with rum.. otherwise    Hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows.

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps em..

3. Colored lights on tree/house colored or white?  White on the house. Colored in the windows.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No

5. When do you put your decorations up?  Right after Turkey day

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Green Bean Casserole, Spiral Ham

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child.   Running to Zinia’s to show off my new stuff

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?  My dad ruined the santa thing really young.  He’s super religious so he said making us believe was lying..

9. Do you open a  gift on Christmas Eve? Sure

10. How do you decorate your Christmas  tree?   We went with only blue and silver ornaments this year and nothing else but white lights.  I like it. “ Our First Christmas Together” Ornament!

11. Snow! Love it  or Dread it?  Love it if I'm inside and don't have to go anywhere... Hate driving in it...

12. Can you ice skate? Yes.. I’m not too bad at it.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?  Ummm.. not really

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?  Being a family. You said it, baby!

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?  HOBBIE NOBBIES!!!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?  Christmas at Grandma’s

17. What tops your tree? A star.  The angels were chintzy lol

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?  Giving

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?  Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire – Nat King Cole

20. Candy Canes Yes or Yuck? Yes and Yuck I like the starburst flavored ones but not the minty ones

 

So.. I'm home until 12/27 then back to work for 2 days, then I'm off again until  Jan. 2, 2007!!!  Wow.  The 00's are almost over.. can you belive that in 3 years 1990 will be 20 years ago? 

That amazes me.

---

Ok, so I've been in a mood lately.  Maybe it's the dreaded PMS, or maybe it's just because of the holidays.  It's wierd how such a happy joyful time brings so many people down in the dumps.   Maybe it's all the deadlines for gifts and the fact that just about everyone has money troubles this time of year.  I suppose that can be reason to feel down.

I'm really not looking forward to getting all split up on Christmas Eve and Christmas.  Christmas Eve they all go to Tina's grandparent's house for their family's party.  My family's party is at my uncle's house in Waterbury.   It's like the one day that all of my family gets together and it's the one day Tina and the kids can't come.  :(  I wouldn't feel very comfortable going with them because her family isn't supportive of our relationship and I'd feel unwelcome.  At least by her mother.  Besides,  I love going to Christmas Eve at my Uncle and Aunt's house.   So that no one has to cook,  they order Chinese take-out from the best Chinese spot in Waterbury and we all just eat, catch up on things we've missed and exchange gifts.  Oh and we drink.  It's no often that my family drinks when they're together so that can be fun.

Christmas day we'll be home in the morning and then the kids leave and go to K's house.  Me and Tina will stay home and we'll possibly all go to Cat's for her and Roni's shindig later in the night.   Not really sure what's gonna happen.

I've got to get my mom to the Christmas Eve party because I won't be seeing her on Christmas Day like I usually do.  Driving to Wtby 2 times in 2 days is 2 much.   I just talked to her and she's mad at me and refuses to go to Christmas Eve.  uggghhh..

---

My father called me and invited me to his brother's (my Godfather who I have not seen or spoken to in years) house for their side of the family's Christmas get-together.  
That side of the "family" I haven't seen in years and honestly I feel so far removed from that I don't have any desire to go.  Why spend Christmas with a bunch of strangers?   My grandmother is almost 90.  She's a sweet woman and if anything I'd go just to see her.  I just get skeeved out standing in a room of 50+ people who all look like so much like me (my father side's genes are really strong EVERYONE looks alike) and I barely know them.   Plus I'd be going without Tina and I really want to spend the holiday with her. 

---

ok.. I'm gonna go now... not sure what to do with the rest of my day.  Ive got some preparing to do.  Later!

Some of you know (if you've read Tina's blog), that we had a rough past couple of weeks money wise.   Some close calls there, but somehow we managed to find a way to fix things without having to rely on anyone else's help.  It's amazing because we were both feeling really helpless for a while and were fearing the worst.   Thanks to all of our close friends who offered to help in whatever way they could.  You guys are the best!

I have to give a big congratulatory shout out to my Angelface for two reasons - First, landing that way cool job!!!  She's going to be in a higher position than she's used to and is now part of the "Management" team which also means she'll be earning more.   Most importantly,  she actually likes the office and feels comfortable there.  Second,  she's graduating this week.  I'm so proud of this woman.  She worked really hard to get her Associates degree at night, while working full-time and being a full-time mother and partner.  She's decided to start along the path to getting her bachelor's degree now and that makes me even more proud.  I can't wait to see her walk in her cap and gown!!  Baby, you rock!! I knew you could do it :)  WOOT WOOT WOOT!! 

The house was really quiet this week.. J was out of town on a school trip, and K didn't come home this weekend.  We did alot of vegging to de-stress. 

Louie our new bird is getting more and more social with us.  He seems really comfortable in his home.  I'm going to try to buy him a bigger cage than he has now for Christmas.  LOL.  Now he's on top of our entertainment stand in the living room and is kinda hard to reach.  Not to mention,  him being that high up is giving him a natural sense of dominance that we don't want him to have.  He's still young and I think he'll adapt to the new cage when we get it.  He'll have more room to play.   Yesterday me and Tina took Louie out and into our bedroom to play with him.  I try to take him out everyday for at least an hour, but we don't bring him in our room because that's where we smoke.  We decided to just not smoke while he was in here so we could have him out longer and Mickey wouldn't be able to get him.

He loved it.   Hopping back and forth between me on the bed and Tina at her desk.  I think he's got a crush on Tina because he loves being tangled in her hair.  Yesterday the CUTEST thing happened.  He was on Tina's shoulder and was preening her hair like he always does and he decided to walk under her hair and climb into the hood on her sweatshirt.  He was cuddled up in a makeshift nest with Tina's hair completely covering him.  If you knew Louie at all,  you'd know that he's kinda spunky and doesn't sit still very often.  I tried to take a picture with my cam phone,  but it didn't come out too clear.   This is it (I picked up Tina's hair to get the shot):

He also likes chewing on Tina's nails and trying to clean under them with his beak.  It's quite comical.   He's been really interested in the new veggies I've been giving him too.  Green things are his favorite.   He's been on a fresh broccoli kick this week.   My favorite thing is that he's so much more cuddly.  He likes to sit on my chest  and snuggle up under my chin.. he even gives kisses.


Work's been busy but hasn't been bad.   It can be stressful though.  I can't wait till I'm off around Christmas time.  Until then time will drag, I'm sure.


Since our financial struggles seem to be going away,  Tina and I have been talking more and more about our upcoming wedding.  We think we actually have figured out a way to still have it in September of 2007 as we had planned.  We'd been contemplating pushing it out further.  We may have even locked down a location!!!  Yesterday a large part of the day was spent putting our guest list together and other beginning stage planning.


Friday night we went to a service at Val and Linda's Synagogue where their engagement was blessed in front of the Congregation.  We met Val's parents and got to see Sophie again. It was really nice to be invited so such a special service.  It was definitely cool to be on the inside of a Synagogue, a personal first for me.  Congrats again on the engagement!!


I can't believe Christmas is around the corner and we haven't even started our shopping yet.    One more thing to stress over.. sheesh!!!


That's about it...  Later!

Hey y'all.

So work has been non-stop.  I can't wait for things to slow down in that place.  WOW!  I have no time to relax at all lately.  I rush through lunch that is if I even get one, and lately I haven't even been able to sneak in a smoke break.

Wedding planning as been fun to do in our spare time.  I really like knowing that it's actually possible to stick with our original date.   :)  It seems like we've found a place  to have it as well as a caterer.   We're almost in a position to put deposits down on these things,

Louie is sitting with me right now as I type this.  He's really interested in what my fingers are up to .  I think he wants to type.  LOL

He's a cutie :)

I don't get why he insists in licking me.   Being licked by a bird is really wierd. 

Ok.. off to visit with the future Mrs. R.

Lata!

Friday at work I was in my boss' office with him and a co-worker friend of mine.   We got to talking about politics (I know, a big no-no). 

My boss is what I'd call a moderate Republican and I usually respect his political decisions because he usually has personal reasons and feelings that back up his opinions.  Let's face it, not ALL people who voted for Bush did so blindly.  Some had real reason to do it and felt strongly about their decision.   On the other hand some just went in and did eenie meenie miney mo in the booth and picked the lever their finger landed closest to. 

My friend in the room is very much a liberal.  She's not a citizen of this country, so I don't think she can vote in our elections though.  I do know that she's very open-minded and kind of has the live and let live philosophy in her life.

So,  we're talking about who we think has a shot at winning the white house in 2008.  We were talking about possiblities on both sides of the fence and even some who are kinda on the fence.  One of the people we started talking about was Giuliani.  About how he's so moderate that it would be hard for him to win at the primaries.   I said,  he's pro-gay marriage and my boss said "I'm a Republican and I'm for gay marriange,  just not gay adoption".  

Can I say WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, really quick?  My response was "Huh.  Why do you feel that way?"  Having to keep in mind that he's my boss,  the man that ensures that I get paid.  Jess stay calm.  Jess stay calm.  Meanwhile,  my palms are sweating,  my blood-pressure is rising uncontrolably.  I could feel my face getting redder and redder like I was about to explode.

He responded something like because I feel kids should only be able to be adopted by a couple that's made up of a father and a mother.   I said then I assume you feel the same way about hetero single parents trying to adopt and he said yes he does.  He said if he was on a board of approvals for adoptions he would only allow the adoptions to pass when the adoptive parents are a man and a woman.  This comes from a man that I have known for 2 years and who is completely aware of the fact that I am a lesbian.

I sat there for a moment and had gotten even more annoyed at this point.  Those who know me know that I am a very emotional person who sometimes has trouble not letting words just fly out of my mouth in the heat of the moment.

Part of me wishes this was one of these moments but lucky for me and my paycheck,  I maintained my composure and excused myself.  I said "It's time I leave now because this conversation is upsetting me and I don't want to continue it feeling this way"

Later when it was time to go,  I stopped by his office to wish him a nice week off vacation and Happy Thanksgiving.  The conversation wasn't brought up. 

I'm still really upset about it and I'm not sure how to handle it.  Tina thinks I should email him and explain my frustration and how offended I felt when he said that. 

His beliefs are his beliefs.  I completely disagree with them.  I was offended.  Really offended.  I'm not really surprised that he feels that way but did he has to offend me like that? 

If he didn't believe Indian people should be able to adopt would he say that in the presence of a person of Indian descent on his staff?

Ugh.. Please comment.   I could use some advice.

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

Type your cut contents here:

1.  I pull out my eyelashes in chunks.  I've had completely lashless eyelids.  It's called Trichotillomania.

2.  I'm OCD about things being even or balanced.  A crooked picture on a wall nearly makes me lose it.

3.  I'm very self-conscious. 

4.  I can't wear navy blue and black together.

5.  I talk to my bird like he understands what I'm saying. 

6.   I can never sit still.  I have to be doing something all of the time.  If it's not eyelash pulling it's nail biting,  if it's not nail biting, it's leg bouncing. 

7.   I love food.  Especially Vietnamese. ;)  (sacrelige, EVA)

8.  I  get seriously offended when people don't comment on my blog when I know they've read it.

9.   I name bill collectors that call me all the time "The Predator" and save their numbers in my cell with a special ringtone.

10.  My legs are much more hairy than the legs of any of the men in my family. 

 

TAG YOU'RE IT!!!  - Packie, Kat, TinaMarie, VAL, Linda, Bobbie

 

Hello readers. Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was wired.. and just couldn't relax. I don't know why this is happening more and more frequently lately. Maybe I need a new pillow?? I tell you what though, I won't spend even 20 bucks on a pillow. Any pillow. My boss told me he has 300 dollar pillows on his bed. That to me is overboard, but then again if ya have the means in which to pay for 300 dollar pillows- have a ball. Me, even if I were rich, I'd still go for the cheaper pillow.. the Martha Stewart line at Kmart rocks and it's cheap. I'm gonna see about getting an egg crate mattress pad too.

So.. I was grouchy and snippy and I snapped at my girl. Poor Tina got a nice dose of my evil twin. I can be a bit of a beast in the morning I suppose. I think it's just best that I'm left alone until I wake up. I've apologized but she's still mad at me I think because I usually talk to her by now. What's really crazy is that I remind myself so much of my Grandfather. He's SOOOOOO grouchy in the morning... everyone just avoids him until he's had his fair share of coffee and has read the paper.

Today, work sucks because it's really slow and that means I have to sit down and work on projects. I also have to close out the month of September still.

After work, I am going for my free massage at the Chiropractor. The info sheet I had to read and sign is funny. Basically told me that many people experience flatulence and sexual arousal when they get massaged. ROFL! Great! I'm gonna leave there h*rny and have gas.

Then I'm off to look at a couple of baby Green-cheek Conures (small parrots). I lost my Gia over a year ago and it was a really difficult time for me. At first I thought I would never want another bird again, but I think enough time has passed now and I'm ready to have another one. Jeremie is right there with me and is almost excited as I am. Tina is ok either way.. isn't much of a bird person but doesn't hate them.

Kristie hates them. Hopefully the bird we get will be so cool it changes her mind.

I met this kid online a few years ago and he doesn't live far from us. He breeds birds and since he knows me he's going to give us a pretty good price if we decide to go for it. They aren't weaned yet so they are really young... hand fed and tame. I can't wait to see them :) I'm beyond excited!

We have an appt. in LI tomorrow to see a couple of baby Parrotlets (the type of bird Gia was) if the conures don't work out. Here are some pics of both types.

I love P'lets. I just kinda always wanted to try a larger parrot. Even a little larger. 

Green-cheek Conure: (aren't they cute??? ) :

Pacific Parrotlet:

 

 Decisions decisions!! Is it me or did my mood completely change while I wrote this? Hmmmmmm...

Click here to see Gia's Memorial ! RIP Gigi.. miss ya!

Today Tina and I were hanging around the house looking at animals on Petfinder.org.   We saw so many dogs that needed homes.   We decided that since we had no plans for the day, that we’d go visit the Westport Humane Society to see the animals.  They recently rebuilt the place and it’s really nice. 

We really liked these two dogs Toby (Chocolate Lab) and Dulo (marked as a Mastiff mix, but looks more like a Rottweiler/German Shepherd). We decided to ask to see Toby first since his size was like that of our Flat-coated retriever Mickey.   Toby was so calm and gentle looking in the cage but when he got out and was in the room with us he was very much a puppy.  He was only a year and a half old and acted it.  Big time.  We decided to visit with Dulo next.  

Dulo was a pretty big dog.  I’d guess he weighed 100 lbs. or so.  Very calm and sweet dog.  We fell in love with his personality instantly.  He just laid out and wanted belly rubs and stuff.  He had a really masculine looking face.  They didn’t know if he’d be good with other dogs and suggested we bring Mickey down to meet him.  I think it’s funny because we didn’t really discuss getting another dog and really hadn’t planned it.  We just went there on a whim and before you know it we were on the way back there with Mickey Blue to meet our potentially new addition.

Mickey was quite excited in the Jeep.  He doesn’t go in the car much and I don’t know if he hates it or he loves it.  He’s wild when he’s in the car though that’s for sure.

We got there at around 5 PM.  They close at 5:30, so we had to do this quick.  The guy brought Dulo out to meet Mickey and at first Mickey charged him pretty aggressively.  Dulo was very submissive and backed down.  This made me laugh because Dulo is quite a bit bigger than Mickey.
 
All was well after about 5 minutes.  They did the butt-sniffing thing that dogs do and basically forgot there was another dog around.  We figured it seemed cool enough, so Tina brought Mickey back home and I went in to fill out the adoption paperwork.   She brought Jeremie back with her to get us only Jeremie didn’t have a clue where he was going and that we’d even considered getting a new dog.

When they got there I was sitting out front with Dulo waiting for them.  He was so good, just sat there so calm and cool.

We decided to change his name.  After tossing around about a zillion possibilities, we decided to go with Buster.   This is our new boy and a few of Mickey:

Isn't he sweet?

He's got the most expressive face :)

Handsome guy, isn't he? (Jeremie too ;)

Awwwwwwwwwww!!

 Mickey Blue Dog

 Close up :)

 Way more interested in Buster....

Isn't he cute???  They get along well so far.  I'll kepp ya posted on the progress.  As I said, Buster is what we're kinda calling him but if we get better name suggestions, we may change it.

Nite!

Ok so let's talk friends.. you got em?  I do.  I feel pretty lucky to have them too.  I mean real friends.  Not the ones who smile in your face and talk shit behind your back.  Not the haters who only pretend to be your friend because they have ulterior motives or it will benefit them in one way or another.  I have a circle of friends who I consider my family.  I'm closer to them in a way that no other relationship could compare to except for that of a partner/spouse, or parent/child.  They are my crew, my family.  The kind that would do anything for you without expecting anything in return,  people I would do anything to help.  There's no awkwardness, no shadiness, no negativity. 

Most of them I've met in my adult years, ironically via the internet quite a few years back.  I have a different perspective than most people I talk to about meeting people online.  I am all for it.  Sure there are crazies out there.. stalkers, nut jobs, etc.; there are also really cool, normal, down-to-earth folks who are real.  100%.

I've also been fortunate enough to make some new friends through my fiancé, Tina.  These friendships are new, and for the most part I'm still getting to know them and form a sort of bond of my own with them.  These people I feel are genuine, even though there may have been bumps in the road before today.  These are people I respect and have taken quite a liking to and feel that with time, these could develop into friendships that will last many years.

I have two friends from my childhood years who I was equally close to but have become somewhat estranged from.  One not so much as estranged but we don't talk often enough.  Our lives have changed, we've grown apart, but the bond is still there, not to mention the love.

The other childhood friend I lost but recently found again only she doesn't know it yet.

Another old friend (more a friend of my old best friend) tracked me down and through her I found Melanie.  We'd lost touch.. both moved, different phone numbers. I wasn't sure if she had died or moved to another country.  I looked for her everywhere.. online, tried to track down her family and everything.  Got nothing.  I found out that she is getting married next month and her bridal shower is 10/27.  I was invited by the other friend to come as a surprise for Mel.  I'm beyond psyched.  I'm going to bring Tina, so that she can meet some of my old friends and acquaintances that will be there.  It should be really cool.  I can't wait.

I've been really lucky on myspace to find quite a few of my grade school buddies.  Scattered all over the place.   I keep my myspace profile private, so I can't be read unless I add you as a friend, which I will gladly do if you ask (in most cases).


What else??/ Hmmm....
The new dog is getting quite settled here.  He's barking now (WOW he's loud) .  Likes to wake us up at 3 am by barking at the tiny dog next door.  He's eating paper he's found on the floor.  He toilet-papered the hallway for us today and he's getting less and less afraid of Mickey.  Uh oh.

The birdie should be coming home in November.  I need to get his cage ready and set up.  I hope the dogs don't torment the poor thing.

My beautiful niece Julia turns 2 on the 25th.  I'm looking forward to her birthday celebration this Sunday. 

The 26th marks my second anniversary at my workplace.  I can't believe how time zips by..  Last year at this time I was in a completely different state-of-mind.  I am happy to finally really love being me.





 

[1] What is your middle name?

Lynne

 

[2]What color is your mailbox?

I think it's black

 

[3] Are you available?

Not even a little bit

 

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?

no but I've hit a giant raccoon

 

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?

A little one

 

[6]Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning?

nope

 

[7] Who checks the mail in your house?

Mostly Tina but I have a few times

 

[8] Do you have a small driveway?

ummm -- yeah.

 

[9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?

nope -- just me.  It's DMB Ants Marching

 

[10] What do you do first in the morning?

Flop around and bury my head in the blanket

 

[11] What brand is your printer?

Lexmark

 

[12] Do you enjoy fighting with people?

Not at all

 

[13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?

neither it's wavy

 

[14] Who was your kindergarten teacher(s)?

Sister Marie-Pauline (Holla Melly Mel)

 

[16] Are you taller than your mother?

Yes

 

[17] Do you have a favorite word?

No

 

[18] Are you God?

Sure I am

 

[19] What do you do to get over a broken heart?

Starve

 

[20] Do you have a deep, dark secret?

I gots nuthin'

 

[22] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?

actually I do.

 

[23] Does anything hurt on your body right now?

Unfortunately a few things

 

[24] Do you often cry during a movie?

lol.. I wouldn't say often but sappy romantic movies usually trigger a tear

 

[25] Do you hate your life?

For the first time I can truthfully say NO

 

[26] Do you get mad easily?

Yes

 

[27] Do you drink?

Yes socially or when I'm heated

 

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?

crooked pictures/paintings on walls

 

[29] What is your away message?

Default

 

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?

yes

 

[32] Who should pay on the first date?

whoever asks the other out

 

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?

Heh 5 years, 8 months, 29 days. No more, no less.  Oh and she's got to be 5'7.5, Portuguese and Cape Verdian and named Tina.

 

[34] Do you have any friends?

I do

 

[35] Do you have any mean friends?

lol.. ummm yeah but that makes them special

 

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?

I love all colors

 

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff?

I sure have.

 

[39] Have you ever been fired from a job?

Not yet

 

[40] In what year was your first love?

1997

 

[41] Do you have a cell?

Yes

 

[42] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?

Jeans - Chams  (WTF) They are my favorite jeans.

 

[43] How tall are you?

I don't know -- 5'8.5 I think

 

[44] What is the closest green object?

Bed Sheet

 

[45] What is on your feet?

socks

 

[46] Do you like watermelon?

I do

 

[48] Do you want to have kids?

I do

 

[49] What is the brightest color you're wearing right now?

the rainbows on my earrings

 

[50] Who is the friend you have that you would've never expected?

my co-worker at work.  She's become quite the buddy of mine

 

[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw?

Solaris

 

[54] Do you collect comic books?

never have always wanted to

 

[55] Do you like your dad?

Not so much, but I love him in an obligatory way

 

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?

Yep. Mad About You and Wonder Woman and The Sopranos

 

[57] Are you wearing makeup?

Neva that.. unless lip chap counts (ROFL)

 

[58] Do you have a tattoo?

I have 4, and that's only the beginning

 

[59] Have you ever been happily in love?

Yes.  I'm very lucky.

 

[60] If you won the lottery you would _______?

pay my bills, hook up my friends/family and start a business

 

[61.] Do you know how to draw?

In my own way

 

[63] Who is your hero?

Out and proud teenagers

 

[64] Who did you last IM?

Tina

 

[65.] Do you work a lot of hours?

40 - sometimes more

 

[66] What do you do when you are stressed out?

drink, mess w/ my eyelashes

 

[67] Who was the last person that called you?

My Angelface

 

[68.] is there anything you regret?

1 solitary thing

 

[69] Do you know where your family name originated from?

NO... but I looked it up:

 The _________surname is derived from the personal name _______. This name was originally came from the Old German words "hrod" and "behrt," which mean "fame" and "bright." It was introduced to Britain by Normans during the time of Edward the Confessor, and became very popular. A large number of diminutives and pet-forms were derived from this name in early times.

First found in Kent, where a Willelmus filius ___________was listed ijn the Domesday book.

Some of the first settlers of this name or some of its variants were: Eleanor and Griffith __________, who settled in the Barbados in 1676; James ___________settled in New Haven Conn. in 1822; James _______ settled in Maryland in 1666.

[70] Is there an animal that creeps you out?

No unless we're talking insects...   I don't really like them

 

Hello... I'm back for a quick.   I'm still working on tweeks.. gotta get my new "Jero" header up fo' shizzle.  Whaddaya think? 

We dropped of Kristie at college today.  My poor baby's baby off to explore the world.   Tina's so sadly.. it breaks my heart.  Getting her all moved in was interesting to say the least.   She's gonna do really well.  I'm glad I moved in when I did and got to know Kristie so well.  I'm gonna miss having her around too.. she's a cool kid :(
Jeremie's off to go spend time with his sperm donor I mean father.  The house is eerily quiet.  lol... not for long! ;)

Take Labor Day off and party!  Nite!!!

Tina is studying so I am pretty bored.   I figured I'd check in and write about what's been going on with me.  Did ya miss me?  Don't lie.

I'm glad this week is finally over and the weekend is here.  It was a crazy hectic week at work.  I've been busy interviewing to fill 2 open part time positions.  I found someone for one of the positions and she will be starting as soon as she clears the drug test and background check.  I think she will fit in really well.

Me and my boss are going to be washing our top performers' cars.  

Sarah and the kids are coming over for dinner tomorrow.  I'm excited about that.  I miss them.  My niece and nephew are getting so big.  Julia (Jules) is talking so well now and she's even potty trained.  I can't believe she'll be 2 in October.  Eric is such a good big brother.  He's so affectionate and protective of his little sister.  I love those kids so much and wish I got to see them more.

I miss my mom.   I wonder if I can get my sister to convince mom to come to dinner too?  Hmm..  she's not too keen on being in a car on the highway and it's a pretty long drive for her.  It would be nice for her to finally see where I live.   Who am I kidding?  She'd never be up for that.   I just called and she's not feeling well.  She said she'd come next time.  We'll see!

well... that's really it.  Gotta figure out a way to make more money.  Got any ideas?  Anyone need their car tuned up?  You buy the parts and I will do it for 1/2 of what your mechanic charges for labor.   It's worth a shot!

Today was busy at work.  Setting up the new girl's desk, ordering her pc and software, getting her training plan in place.   Lots to do before I take off for my birthday loooooooooooooooong weekend.   Tomorrow is my last day of work until Tuesday.   YAY!!!

Tomorrow is my fam Nicki's 31st B-day :)

I met Nicki online maybe a month or two before we wet in person at her 24th birthday party which was actually held ON my 21st birthday, at her house 7 years ago.  Since then we've become really tight friends and I love her like a brother.  We don't hang out like we used to, but that bond is still there.  She and her cousin KB (my other bro) have really been the only constant butch friends I've had since I came out and we've all gone through alot of the same things over the years.  Next year Nicki is off to pursue her doctoral degree somewhere far away and I'm not looking forward to that.  She's going to come back to be my "Best Man" in my wedding.. that I am looking forward to.  There's no one else I'd rather have next to me when I make the biggest commitment of my life. 

Tomorrow night we are all going out to have dinner in celebration of her birth.  Yeah yeah.. pass the T-bone already I'm starvin' LOL just kidding.   Tina's looking forward to going too.. I'm glad she and my friends get along so well.

---

Jeremie was in a really wierd mood when we got home.  He was half asleep!  Lol.. not like him.  He's since managed to wake up and is in a happy, sweet, talkative mood. 
We just ordered Chinese.. it should be delivered any minute and I can't wait.   We're gonna sit at the table and fumble with our chopsticks and laugh at each other.   Should be fun!  We've been eating at the dinner table every night for the past week and a half.  I've been enjoying it a lot.  It would be cooler if Kristie was here too...  but we can make it up when she comes to visit. 

Thursday we are going to check out the local branch of the Civil Air Patrol.  My younger brother has been involved for a few years and he really enjoys it.   They do cool things like build model rockets and air planes and then launch them,  learn about aerospace engineering, take tests and get promoted.  Every day for I don't know HOW long, Jeremie has been asking me to get more information about it so he could join.  We figured it was expensive, so we decided to wait until after the summer, now to only find out it's 56 bucks for the year! Duh!  I'm lookin' forward to that. :)

---

It's driver's license renewal time again.   I still have my old license pic that I got when I turned 20:

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
forehead through my left eyebrow - car accident in 1996 that almost killed me

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR ROOM?
Eva's drawing of me and Tina sleeping together (like taking a nap sleping.. don't be dirty)

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
nokia 6101 flip fone

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
all types.. from hip hop to classic rock

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
7:10 PM

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
to cuddle :)

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My family in TX

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/s?
my childhood photos

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
yes

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
lol. yeah if I'm alone

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Tina

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
CKbe

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
long dark hair

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
where I did!  at the beach :)

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
coke

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
cheese or veggies except eggplant

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
rofl.. what a question for a lesbian.  Hmmm... watermelon

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
My boss I think

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
  does pig latin count? lol

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT EVER GIVEN TO YOU FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Mr Frog.. a stuffed animal from my first g/f

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
i like lots of people

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
not even a little bit

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I like old navy it's comfy.  For dressier stuff - Kenneth Cole

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
don't have one.. I've always liked mustangs though

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
knowing me, yeah but I'm already in love and plan to keep it that way

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I'd just tell them. 

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
38

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Definitely brunettes

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Tina's number

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
nosy people

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
yes

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Newports, her pouty face lol

37. FIRST JOB?
chuck e. cheese's party host

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
yes.. lots of them

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
went to a CAP meeting with Tina and Jeremie

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
severe breast reduction

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
seemed like fun

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my eyes or my smile

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
break the law

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A fun time with people I'm close to

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I've always wanted at least one.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
i have

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
the middle one

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
a few days ago

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
not really

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
ham

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
biting my nails, smoking, pulling out my eyelashes

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
don't really have cds

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
i guess

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
yes

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
absolutely

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
bottle it for a bit then try to discuss it

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
mom's

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
not anymore

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
is a bike a toy?  i was never really super attached to any one toy

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
I dunno... 50 or so

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
yes

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
no

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
sense of humor, sex appeal, patience, maturity, intelligence

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Jess, Jessie, J, Jero

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
not usually

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
black raspberry

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
blue and red

73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
didn't I answer this already?

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
3

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
sure

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Tina's typing

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
  chili w cheese from wendy's

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
an office manager at a place Tina applied to work at... I gave her a horrible reference

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
eyes and smile then ass ;)

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:
i can't even think of one.  Im too sleepy

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
Bush

82. FAVORITE DRINK?:
Dr Pepper / Margarita on the rox w/ salt

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Virgo

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
to watch I suppose boxing

85. HAIR COLOR?
brown

86. EYE COLOR?
light brown

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
no

88. SIBLINGS?
2 brothers 3 sisters

89. FAVORITE MONTH:
September

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
the path to 911

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
This year?  The day she said yes.  June 16th

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
no

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I appreciate both

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
I love em both but I have to say kisses

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.  I hate one night stands. 

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Tina might

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I have no idea

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
None right now..

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Yes.. my fiance Tina.  And I'm lucky as hell :)

Has it really been a year since my last birthday?  Wow...

Last year, to celebrate my birthday me, my ex, and a bunch of our friends went out to celebrate at the Brook in Westport.  Before we went there, we stopped off at Tina's for some drinks and stuff before we headed to the club. 

At the club things totally spiraled out of control.  I was caught red-handed grindin' on Tina. 

So...I got dumped, and my new life began.

After that night things got as bad as they could get.  Worse than I ever expected, but things have a way of turning around don't they?

Now I'm happier than I've ever been.  I'm engaged!  I have a new family, I've made some new friendships, strengthened some old ones,  and am a stronger person with a better outlook on life overall.  

It appears the same can be said for my ex.   She too has found happiness and I'm glad about it.   :) 

I'm looking forward to tomorrow night.  Hopefully it's a drama free, wild night.  

Thank you Angelface for shining so much light on my world.  This past year was actually the best yet and you made it so.  XOXO

 

Gimp hands - LOL - check!

Ok minor exaggeration.  Picture it, Fairfield CT, Sunday 9/17/2006.  I was sitting in the living room cuddled up with my lovely fiance.. and Jeremie was on the loveseat.  We were watching The Stepford Wives.  All of the sudden my arms got tingly and numb and my hands cramped up.  I thought they had just fallen asleep so I shook em out and it didn't help.  It progressively worsened and Tina convinced me to go to the ER to get checked out.  Honestly I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack.  I remember thinking on the way to the hospital that this could be how I die.  I'm serious.  I was actually afraid.

Got to ER and waited and waited to get seen.  They actually put me in express care s I got seen a little bit quicker that your typical ER visit.  They took some blood, took my vitals, all seemed well and good.  They figured I had really tight muscles or something and I was having spasms so I got a valium and was sent home. 

The valium helped loosen one hand up but the other is still cramped up.  24 hrs later!! So today since I was already not going to work, I decided to have Tina talk to Kat and see if we could get an appt. at the Chiropractic office she works at.  I got hooked up with a free consultation, they took some x-rays, examined me and I got a way cool electro therapy massage and some heat applied to my shoulders.  The Dr. thinks I have scoliosis and that an accident I was in back in 1996 could possibly be responsible for the severe tension in my back and neck that could be what's causing the hand thing.  He also thinks I should see a Neurologist to see if I have some pinched nerves.  

I have a follow-up appt. after work tomorrow to go over the x-rays and plan for treatment.   

Thank you sooooooooooo much KAT!

 

My B-day -

Tina made dinner.  Those ribs were bangin' baby.  Kristie and Kenton were home from school for the weekend.  Kenton is Kristie's boyfriend.  He's funny.  Jeremie was home too :) They all wore party hats and sang me happy birthday after dinner and we had ice cream cake.  I have to say it was a very cool thing and I think may be one of those happy moments that's burned into my mind for forever.  -end sappy paragraph.

So, then we went out at night with a bunch of friends.  I was happy that there was such a good turnout of people.  My Tina of course (holy shit did she look sexy for the birthday boi. wowzers.) :) Nicki, Andrea, Cat, Roni, KB (who I haven't seen in too damn long), Molly, and even Katie made an appearance.  She only stayed a minute but I'm glad she came out.  I even bumped into an old aquaintance Simone from when I lived in Brooklyn.  That was odd.  I still can't figure out why a new yorka would come to the brook in Westport, CT when ther's so many clubs there.  

We had a blast.  There were so many fights in the club.. it was nuts.  I've never seen so many hostile dykes!  LOL.  Stupid people don't know how to go out without getting violent.  Seriously.  Drunks get violent.  I've always loved the fact that when we go to gay clubs there aren't fights.  Everyone is usually cool and peaceful.  The cops were all over that place.  I got to dance with my girl, and meet a few new people.  I loved having all my friends together.  A few people couldn't make it.  I was especially sad to hear that Kat and Tina didn't make it because we had sent the e-card to an old email address by mistake.

The show was good too.  The God-des and SHE came out from Brooklyn, NY to perform a few of their songs.  I was feelin the music.  It's cool to see a gay white female rapper out there and SHE can sing her patootie off.  

We all got lit.. but as Tina says lit ain't the word.  Lets just say that when friends are buying ya drinks ya kinda lose track of your limit.  I'm proud of myself though.. I didn't do anything I'm embarassed about and I didn't drive home, and I didn't get sick.   My poor angelface.. aww she was a little sickly.  But I took good care of her.  and tucked her in nice and cuddly.  

I had a GREAT time though.  :)  Thanks to all of my buddies for coming out to make my day so sweet.  Thanks for the gifts too!  I love them.  

Oh - Cat and Roni - went to Eblens and got some cool clothes with my gift card.  :)  Thank you thank you thank you!

Now I just gotta get some new kicks ;)

Sorry for the lack of pics but we forgot our camera and it was too dark for cam phone shots.  Though I do have some new pics to put in my randomizer from Nicki's b-day on Wednesday.

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to let you all know that in an effort to raise HIV/AIDS awareness, I am participating in AIDS Walk 2006, an annual fundraiser for AIDS Project Hartford.   If you'd like to support me, please sign the pledge sheet on my desk.   A group of friends of mine have formed a team - “The Red Ribbon Crew” - and our goal is $1000.00.  I am committed to winning the fight against AIDS and have set my personal goal at $200.00. 

The walk will take place on October 14, 2006 at the MDC Reservoir on Rte. 4 / Farmington Ave. in West Hartford and is 3 miles around the reservoir.  

VISA/ MasterCard donations can be made online please visit: 

http://www.firstgiving.com/redribboncrewwalking 

Thanks for your support!

Jess

 

Visit me on youtube.com  I'm Justjero

 

4. Name an obvious quality you have.
I'm smiley!

5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Michael Row Your Boat Ashore".... thanks, Tina!

6. Name a celebrity you would marry:
B E Y O N C E

7. Who will cut and paste this first?
Possibly no one, but let me know if you do.

8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
When I was younger I heard Molly Ringwald alot.. no I wasn't flattered.

9. Do you wear a watch? What kind?
Yes a watch Tina got me when the battery in my old one kicked the bucket.  It's a black watch and I get lots of compliments on it

10. Do you have anything pierced?
2 in each earlobe a bunch of closed ones.  I used to be a pin cushion

11. Do you have any tattoos?
Yes - 4 - want more

12. Do you like pain?
... **evil grin** sometimes!

13. Do you like to shop?
I do.

14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Breakfast.


15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?
Gas.

16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Work people

17. What is on your desktop background?
A sunset

18. What is the background on your cell phone?
This one:

19. Do you like redheads?
lol.. no I like brown heads.

20. Do you know any twins?
Yep MANY.  My family is full of them on both sides.  Currently there are 3 sets of twins in my family under the age of 6. 

 
21. Do you have any weird relatives?
All of them are weird.

22. What was the last movie you watched?
Final Cut.

23. What was the last book you read?
Finished reading? "A Child Called It".  Started reading? Memnoch the Devil.  But it's boring.

I tag anyone who's up for it.

I stole this from Tina

Last week...

I just had an amazing week!  Last Saturday (8/5), Tina me, Kristie (her friend Katie) and Jeremie left to go up to the timeshare in Mass.  We were there until Wednesday.  We did alot of relaxing, swimming, cooked some bangin' steak tips and corn on the cob on the grill, played mini-golf, cards, hung out in the arcade (me and Tina went to the bar one night and had fun) and more swimming and eating.  We also visited the Norman Rockwell museum on of the days we were there and took some pretty scenic rides around the area.  See Tina's blog for pics...

We came home Wednesday and Tina went back to work (sorry baby.. missed you alot) I hung out in bed almost all day Thursday.  I was lazy and just wanted a day of rest.  Friday I went to the auto parts store in the morning, Tina stopped to register the Jeep on her way to work and I met her at the auto store to get the plates.  I went home and did my second tune-up of a vehicle.  This one was was more involved than the last. 

A few weeks ago, with Tina's assistance, I tuned up Krisite's car for her.  Changed spark plugs and wires (it only has 2) and air-filter.  This time it was the Jeep.. a bigger, older vehicle with more to do than just sparks and filter. 

While getting attacked by angry homeless bees, I changed all 6 spark pugs and wires.  I also changed the distributor cap and rotor, air filter and put in a new battery because it was dead.  I had to kill 2 bee hives in the body of the Jeep because it's been sitting since mid-winter and the bees loved making it their home. I was spraying them individually as they came at me.  lol.. 

After the tune-up, my goal was to go get the flat tire fixed and put back on (the tire went flat from sitting in the driveway for so long and it's been sitting on a donut for a few months now)  I turned the key in the ignition to see how successful my tune-up was, and we hear this loud noise coming from the serpentine belt.  2 seconds later it snapped.  I had contemplated changing that myself too but the belt alone was 50 bucks at the store and If I wasn't successful, that would have been a waste since I'd have to take it to the shop and they do it all for abt 100.00 including labor.  So now I had no choice.  I called AAA and they towed the Jeep to the shop to fix the belt and tire.

Me and Jeremie went grocery shopping for our camping trip.  Mind you the main reason I did the work Friday was so we could load up the Jeep for the trip.  When I was on my way home from the grocery store I get a call from the mechanic to asks me to stop by because they found a major problem.  When I got there I found out that the water pump went and now our %100.00 bill was to be $431.00!!!  Yikes!  Good thing I did the tune-up because they would have charged approx. $300.00 to do what I did at a garage. 

I'm getting good at this now.  Maybe I will start doing tune-ups on the side for family, friends and co-workers.  You buy the parts and give me money, I will tune up your car!   Of course  I can negotiate if dinner and beer is involved ;)  I have fun doing it, so it'd be a good hobby.

The Jeep wasn't done before our trip so we took "Diablo" the Mazda.. her real name is Scarlett, but it's too feminine so she goes by "Diablo" lol  We managed to squuze Jeremie in amongst all of the camping supplies.  :)

Kristie rode down with Kenton early Saturday morning just in time to wake us all up then go take themselves a nap..LOL  We got up, had bagels and hung out for a bit, then we all went on a hike.  Black Rock State Park has 2 trails, the blue trail and the red trail.  The blue trail is supposedly an easier hike for beginners.  We decided to take the blue trail up to "the rock" for the scenic view of the valley and then take the red trail back.  We never actually saw the red trail, but we wanted an alternate trail back so we sort of .. ummm... took an unmarked trail.  Yeah.. remember little red riding hood... remember all of the times in my life I was told not to take short cuts bcz they never end up working out, well.. we did it anyway.  We got pretty fuc#ing lost in the woods for a few hours.  5 people 4 who own cell phones but not a one of us brought it with us.  We thought it'd be a quick walk, so we didn't even bring water!..

Jeremie was our scout.  We'd send him up ahead because he was alot quicker than the rest of us and seemed to have endless energy.  He'd walk ahead 50 feet or so and holler back to us whether he thought it looked like a trail or anything dangerous was ahead. Kristie didn't wear sneakers with very good tread, so she had to be extra careful when we had to climb rocks and such.  Kenton didn't bring one pair of long pants so he was walking through poison ivy with shorts on!  He was so cool though.. such a gentleman and was constantly looking out for everyone while making sure Kristie was safe.  I like him for her.. he seems like a good guy.

I was usually right behind Jeremie making sure he didn't wander too far and Tina hung out at the back of the line making sure everyone stayed together.  I ended up really wearing out my hip at one point and had to use a walking stick to get down the mountain.  I'm not exaggerating we were really lost in the woods.  At one point, we were all afraid that we were either not going to get out  or were going to come out of the woods miles away from camp.  A 1-2 hour hike ended up taking 4.5 hours.  We actually climbed a wall of rocks, walked on really narrow ledges, at one point were higher than the soaring hawks, and climbed back down the mountain.  Tina and I stopped to drink from a spring at one point because we were so damn thirsty.  The kids all said eww and passed.. their loss.. it was good.

When we finally came out of the forest, we were right across from the entrance to the park.  PRAISE JESUS.. lol j/k.  But we were all quite excited when we realized that!

When we got back to camp, we had lunch and went for a swim in the lake.  Then we all went and took naps.  Except for Jeremie.. he stayed up and "read his book" lol.. amongst other things.  **shaking head**   At night we had dinner and made s'mores and sat around the fire for a few hours talking and laughing.  It was so much fun :)

I had a great time this weekend.  It was cool to have everyone there and to get to know Kenton better.  Everyone seemed to have a really fun time and with a few minor exceptions everyone got along and was well behaved. 

I'm really looking forward to more family vacations with these guys.  I really enjoyed myself.

She makes me smile. I love her.

It's been over a year and I still get giddy about our lunch dates. We have them every day.

I love her "tackle" hugs, our late night chats, cuddle time. I'm so lucky!!!!

Thank you, my baby, for lighting me up inside, for loving me the way that you do.

I can't wait to marry you.

The ex is working my nerves lately.  It's a shame that she still has the ability to make me upset.  She's the only one who's ever been able to bring out my "demon" side. 

This is probably why she's my ex.  

I know she doesn't read this blog anymore so I finally feel free to speak on it.

An old friend of mine used to refer to her partner's bad side as "the mean man". That's what I had become at the tail end of my past relationship.  I hate that I'd become that.  I hate that today, for a minute, I had to see "him" again.

 

 

I met my friend Roni in late 1996.  10 years ago this year.   I can't believe how much has changed since then.

Some history on life up to the day we met:

I was just getting involved in a church (I know can you believe it?  Me at CHURCH?)  I was going  through some pretty rough stuff at the time.  My teen years were brutal.   Drugs, sex, run ins with the law for stupid kid shit.  I guess the church welcomed me and seemed to care so much and what I was looking for was people to care.

I had moved away from my hometown (Waterbury, CT) to live in a town approx. 45 minutes away (West Hartford) which was an entirely new world for me.  A friend of mine who was twice my age and my manager at Chuck E. Cheese's, let's call her "M" kinda became a second mom to me and let me live with her so I could escape all the bad stuff that was going on.

"M's" sister's daughter was 5 and I used to babysit her alot.  She was a sweet kid.  One day she invited me to go to church and I went.   I had a great time.. wasn't really sure about the spiritual part, but the people sure were affectionate and kind.  I loved it, so I went back and eventually began going through the procedures to officially become a member.  I will have to blog about that entire experience because it was... -whoa-. 

When I was going through this process, a girl that was studying the Bible with me asked if I wanted to help at a friend of hers' birthday dinner.  We were going to dress like waiters (white dress shirts and bow ties, black slacks)  and serve her and her date dinner and desert.  This friend of hers was Veronica - Roni.  :)

I had a great time and I thought Roni was really funny and cool.  She invited me to come back to her house for dinner.  She and her housemates were having a bunch of the campus ministry (that's what I was grouped into because I was 18). over for movies and food.  Knowing me and my love for spanish food,  I jumped all over that invitation.  I grew up around alot of Puerto Ricans, and grew to love the food but hadn't had it in a few years by that point.

She cooked it up.  Arroz con gandules and fried chicken, pumpkin pies, hot apple cider.. it was really good.  I had fun.  I loved how close the people were with each other.  A bunch of girlfriends all cuddled up around the living room.  I had fun.  Didn't really get to know Roni at all by that point except to compliment her cooking. 

A couple of months later Roni's roommate (they shared a really big bedroom two beds, relax your ass) was moving away and the room became available.  The church liked church people to live with church people.  They felt that me living with M and her brother who were not members of the church, was temptation and that I needed to be around church brothers and sisters. 

I moved into Roni's house and that very first night she and I stayed up all night talking and getting to know each other.  We laughed and talked and talked and talked and talked.  This trend went on for nights.  Maybe weeks.  We got really close and became the best fo friends almost instantly.  She seemed to really care about me and I loved her for it.  Here's a pic of me and Roni 10 years ago:

Yeah.. that be me on the left. Shut up!

Somewhere along the line, Roni and I crossed the line of friendship and became girlfriends.  She was my first grown up relationship of any kind with a woman.  I was her first too.  Needless to say, we left the church after some intense drama and the church leaders having me committed because of severe depression.  The depression was due to living a life that I'd been taught so recently that was going to doom me to hell.  Not to mention the church had become quite controlling and cultish and I was really confilcted.  I stayed so I wouldn't lose Roni.  They wanted me gone so they didn't lose Roni. 

We got an apartment together and eventually had 3 apartments and a house together.  I was with Roni for over 5 years.  I usually say 6 because I kinda eventually counted in the time we were friends.  For any first relationship that's long.  In the lesbian world that's alot longer.    

We went through alot, coming out and all of the fear and uncertainties that came along with that, making friends in the community,  my long and hard battle with depression and self mutilation, the loss of her mother.  We broke up (the girlfriend part) in 2002 and because of some really stupid stuff that I did, I nearly lost her completely.  

This is a pic of  Tina, Me and Roni at my cousin Liz's wedding:

Since my ex and I split up in September, Roni and I have begun to get back our friendship.   It had been hanging on by a thread for years and I am so happy that we've had so many opportunities to talk and laugh together again.  It's nice to not have to think of her as my ex, but as my close friend.  I hope she knows just how much her hanging on to our friendship means to me. 

I absolutely love that she and my Tina get along so well.  We've had a few opportunities to hang out together and I look forward to many more.   What's really cool is that Roni even offered to make our wedding cake for us :)  She made my sister's cake and it turned out fabulous -totally professional.

Her -not so little anymore brother- Javi, is my Godson and I have been promising him a driving lesson since he's now old enough to get behind the wheel.  I'm thinking that will happen if I see him Sunday at my nephew's 5th birthday party.  

Wow.. that's another story.  My nephew's turning 5!!  Man how time zips by. 

 

 This weekend I am going to the beach with my old crew.  I can't wait.. it's been a while.  I'm going to take Jeremie if he'll come along.  It's up in Rhode Island and there are nice big waves because we're out of the sound up there.   Tina's not gonna be able to come this time because she's got some family stuff going on.  It's too bad because I know she wants to come and I really really want her to.

 

  I got to talk to my buddy Mags yesterday online for a couple hours.  It was nice to catch up.  I've missed our chats.  She's going to be moving to Cali soon and I'm glad we reconnected before she leaves.  As little as I see her now, her moving is still a little sad. 

 

 

 Nicki is moving away too.  Not sure where yet though.  She's applied to alot of schools around the country.  I'm thinking she'll end up in Cali or down in the dirty south somewhere.  Either way, I guess more reasons to take vacations!  Gotta keep close to the family.

 

 

 Today is my Grandpa's 73rd Birthday.  Happy Birthday, old man.  Even though I know you won't read this.  I smell a blog entry about Gramps comin' along too.  He's one of my favorite people.  He raised me and is more like a dad than anyone else has ever been.

 

 

 Stay tuned for Part 2  ;)

After Roni and I broke up, I started to date a little bit.  Nothing serious.. went out with some women I met online.  Made some friends, went to clubs, hung out alot more.  We stayed friends but weren't really tight anymore for a few years....

I met someone online- a butch, we started to chat a bit and she seemed pretty cool.  I was invited to NYC to a butch-femme gathering and to stay at her house after the festivities.  The night I hung out with her down in NY I realized that I got along a lot better with her girlfriend.  They were obviously unhappy together and I could tell that her girlfriend had been hurt pretty badly by her.  That bothered me.  I really did not like this butch and had no intentions of hanging out with her again.  I spent most of the night dancing with and talking to her girlfriend. 

6 months after we hung out together I bumped into the girlfriend "C" online.  We started talking on the phone everynight and started spending time together right away.  We seemed to be exactly what each of us needed at the time and eventually the lust became love.  We were in separate states so the year long - long distance relationship became too much.  I left my family, my life and moved to Brooklyn NY to start a new one with her.   I had to commute to work daily from Bklyn to Stamford Ct.  A VERY long commute. Usually 3.5 hours if I was lucky.  There had been ex-related-troubles in the first year of the relationship.  On both sides.  The relationship never fully recovered from these issues.  We thought it would, but it didn't we thought my moving there would fix things but it didn't.  We stayed there, I found a new job There was resentment over things (on both sides) and we tended to argue alot after that.  Then we got robbed.  Car vandalized twice.  That added alot of stress and yes more negative feelings.  Thought planning a family would fix it.. it didn't.  We thought maybe buying a condo and moving to a more suburban area would help.  We packed up and moved to Bridgeport CT.  The north End.  Both had long commutes from Manhattan to Bpt.  Stress.  400 bucks each a month.  More stress.  Then I found a new job.  10 minutes by car. 

I love my job.  Sure it was stressful at first, coming into a new place with all new people.  40 to be exact.  40 staff when all I was used to managing was 4-5.  40 seemed impossible, but I was welcomed with open arms by these people.  They've become my second family.. there were times that it was refreshing to come to work because of all the arguing and stress at home.

 In retrospect, I don't understand how we lasted as long as we did.  I, myself, hadn't truly been happy for some time before the end but I hung on in hopes that that would change. 

The arguing became fighting.. harsh tones, snotty remarks.  I became cold and hard.. emotionless many times.  Sometimes just plain angry and mean.  I became someone I didn't know and frankly didn't want to know.  Sure there were good times worked in there, but we argued way more than was healthy for anyone. 

I knew the end was near when I began to develop feelings for someone new.  She was a mutual friend of ours which obviously was a problem.   We'd met her in late '04.  Actually C met her online.  She was cool and always lots of fun to be around. She was actually  involved in a 12 year long relationship of which she too had been unhappy for quite a while.  At some point we really clicked and became pretty good online pals.  Chatting, laughing..  just friendly stuff.   We both got to a point where we began confiding in each other, still I feel it was innocent.  Just a way to escape the everyday stresses.  It was nice to be able to open up to someone.  Of course, the fact that she was also a friend of my partner's and that I had become friendly with her partner left me with new feelings.  Feelings of guilt.  Let me tell you, guilt sure does suck.  It's worse than anything..

That didn't change anything except added more to it.  I got hit by a truck with this one.  Neither one of us planned it or even saw it coming, but we both knew that we really needed each other.

I had been broken up with C for a few months before T and her partner split.  I didn't actually think that it was going to happen given the history.  The breakups were harder than I knew they would be to say the least.  Lots of pain involved.  So much guilt, tears, anger, sadness, feelings of betrayal surrounded everyone involved.   Everyone involved suffered.  Even those who weren't directly involved suffered.  I lost someone who I considered to be a friend.  I lost someone who I considered family. 

The friend I got back but only on the surface.  There's no more substance left in our friendship.  It's a show that we both have to put on while in the company of others.  It sucks but it's true.   She's still really good friends with my ex and I think it's like a conflict of interest for us to be close like we used to be or something.  I don't blame her.  I wasn't always good to her.  I know that certain things that happened really hurt her.  I feel bad about it but there was no way I wasn't going after something that made me so incredibly happy.   Anyone else in my position would have done the same thing.  If they say they wouldn't it's because they've never been in my shoes and it's BS. No one's that holy.

So rewind to the breakup.  My breakup.  Sept. 17th 2005.  The day after my birthday, the night we were celebrating my turning 27.  It was a crazy night.. wow.  Out at the club with friends.. dancing the night away.  Well.. C felt that the way I was dancing with T was inappropriate.  It may have been.  We were all pretty lit and the music was good and it was hot and yeah It got kinda hot on the dance floor.  That was the night it all changed forever.   I couldn't go home that night.  I wasn't going to.  I didn't want to fight about it anymore.  It was out there.. it was now completely obvious and it was going to be a fight.  I didn't go home until the following day.  

We talked when I got home and decided I'd live there till I got an apt of my own to move into.   I stayed with my buddy Nicki for a couple weeks, then went back home.  I considered trying to fix things and giving up hope on ever being with T.  That wouldn't have been fair to anyone involved.  It would have been phony.  We parted ways.. I had hopes of us staying friends but she's not really about that.  We don't talk anymore.  So away I went again.   Back to Nicki's this time for another 2-3 weeks.  I had found a place to live but it wasn't going to be ready til November.   I moved in with a gay dude in Fairfield.  Rented a tiny room in his home for $600.00 + utilities I moved in in November.   He was a trip.  Funny guy.. we got along pretty well.  He was really particular abt how things went on in the house.. I didn't have the freedom I felt an adult should have in the home that they pay to live at.  I was faced with another decision.  Find an apt for a lease or hold out here until I figure out which direction me and Tina will take.  Living so close yet so far from her was so hard.  Her ex was still living there until she ironed out a place to go.   I decided to hold out on moving anywhere else.

When it became safe for me to visit Tina, I did..  then I'd return home wanting to be with her and missing her every single second. 

Not long after (a few weeks really..lol) I started staying overnight whenever I'd visit.  We had talked about waiting before that happened but ...  

From jump it was really comfortable being there.   I loved getting to spend so much time together.  Between work her classes and our separate home lives we didn't get to spend much in person time alone together except in the car.  Being home with her was sweet and very romantic.  So much cuddling.. so many deep long emotional talks.  Being with her, wherever we were was home.  It was so good to be home.

In February I moved in unofficially.  Just me and 1/2 my clothes.  Tina and I had talked about it a few times but it wasn't time yet.  Just felt too soon.. then we talked about it again and decided it didn't make sense for me to pay rent down the street when I was never ever there.  So.. her home became my permanent residence.

I've really enjoyed getting to know her kids.  I am happy to have gotten to come around while they are both still living home.  Her daughter, Kristie, is going off to college soon.  It was a little awkward between me and her for a bit.. more for her than for me I think.  She's older.. almost grown.  Nuff said.   We've gotten to know each other and I'm quite fond of her.  Jeremie and I have always gotten along nicely.   He's 13 and quite a handful at times but we have fun together.  I love them both alot and there's nothing I wouldn't do for either one of them. 

I had put my furniture and belongings that wouldn't fit in my 5'x7' room that I was renting in storage at Roni's house in Wtby.   I was here without the rest of my stuff until mid June.   Tina and I went to Roni's with Jeremie to get my stuff..  some of which is now our stuff :).  I have to say, my dressers have come in handy and look pretty good in our room.   It was fun sorting through the boxes of memories from my childhood with Tina.  Showing her my albums and things I've collected over the years.  I love sharing myself with her... love it more when she shares herself with me. 

June 16th I proposed to Tina.   I had bought her a ring and  had originally planned to wait  a bit before asking her to marry me.  I couldn't wait.   Every little bit of me wanted to- had to ask.   I love this woman with everything that I am.  She said yes.  That was one of the best moments of my life right there on that beach.  I can't wait to see her walk down the aisle in her wedding dress..  wow just thinking about it makes me all tingly inside.

For the first time I have not had any guilt harboring inside of me.  The first time I've exposed all of my dark and ugly secrets to my partner.  I finally don't have anything to hide.   I feel so light.. yet so vulnerable.   I feel that it's a healthy relationship with the potential to last.   This is why I plan to marry her and take care of her every single day for as long as she'll keep me.

We read books out loud together almost every night before bed.  I look forward to this time of the day - everyday.   Every morning she wakes me up and as groggy and sometimes grumpy as I can be, I look at her and tell her how much I love her just so she knows.  We laugh so much together... so much.  She's my greatest friend, my biggest support system.  She's loyal, and kind, and I know she's got my back no matter what.  She tells me with her eyes how much she loves me.. she doesn't even need to say it.  She does anyway just so I know. 

She's met my family and they are all really fond of her.  Everyone in my life sees how happy I am and they tell me.  People at work tell me too.. how different I've been since I've been with her.  How smiley I've become.   I've met many of the people in her family.  I know her mom will never really be fond of our relationship, so far everyone else has been really cool with me.  

I'm so grateful to be where I am..  for this new family that I have and all of the smiles that they bring me every day, for all of the things that have happened over the past ten years that have brought me here.  Sure some of it was hard, but they were growing pains.. I learned a great deal from all of it and believe I have become a better person.  I really look forward to the next decade.. especially since I know Tina will be by my side. 

 

Hello world!  My brother came by my desk yesterday (he works with me) with a bag of 3 fishies.  He won them at his department's employee picnic thing and didn't wanna keep them.  So being that I knew they'd just get flushed or something I took them for my desk at work.. 3 goldfish.  I'm looking for suggestions on what I should name them.  They are my department's mascots and the names need to be work appropriate.. (bite your tongue, Darlene) LOL... (you too Eva).  Pick me some good names and I swear I will use them.. I'm at a loss. 

Thanks for the tank and supplies,  Angel!   Here's a pic of them:

:)

Well I had chosen the names Penny, Nickel and Dime... seemed to suit them because of their colors.  Turns out Dime didn't want to share his home  with the lesser valued fishies and sent them floating.   When I came to work Monday they were dead and in very cloudy water.  I think the tiny tank was too small for all of em.

Now Dime is very happy and healthy.. he's swimming alone and loving it.   I changed the water and it's managed to stay really clear.  I read up on it and I guess it usually means a high level of ammonia  in the water.  Hopefully i can hang on to dime.  I like him.

 

 

 

This summer has so far been a complete blast!  I've loved every single day of it.   Hopefully you are all having a fun summer too!

 

... Arsenio the mailroom guy comes up to me with the daily Fed-ex deliveries that I sign for and without looking up, (I am focused on what I'm doing).. I say "thanks Arsenio" and scribble on the sign off sheet.   That's when he says "I have one addressed to you too" and I say "would you mind dropping it off it back to production with the rest of the packages... it's work stuff" (I get mail all of the time that's actually for the dept. but comes in my name).  He bends down and pulls up this big box with my name on it and says.. "no Jess I think this is for you" and laughs. 

Turns out Tina remembered our Anniversary and sent me really pretty flowers.   They are lilies and dark purple flowers.. I'm not quite sure what they are called.  I have to wait until they open up.   I got pretty choked up.. she is incredible.  

The card that came with the flowers:

To the hardest and the best and most
worth it year of my life.   Here's to
having the gift of you for many years to come...

Happy Anniversary, Baby

~Angel

Even though life prevented us from actually being together the way we wanted to, we loved each other madly and knew we belonged together.  

I love you Angel.. you make me so happy and I look forward to spending every last one of my days by your side.  MUAH!!

Happy Anniversary! 

Spent the morning at the laundromat with Tina.  It was our anniversary and we went to do laundry!  Woohoo! LOL.. in 100 degree heat no less.  Needless-to-say I was a little crabby.  First of all I don't do mornings.  Second of all I don't do heat.  Not heat like that.  3rd of all it was the last place I wanted to be spending our 1st anniversary!  But.. we had lots of it and it had to be done.  Since we are really running out of available days to do stuff like that, it made sense.  Not to mention, the house just looks and feels so much better when chores are all caught up.  It was a bitch but I'm glad we got it done.  :)

So.. we got home and decided we were gonna chill for a while.. I thought it would be cool to run out to Stop n Shop to get some stuff to BBQ.  I wanted to make stuffed hamburgers.  They are yummy.. my aunt made me one when I was a kid and I never forgot it.  I've made them only a few times since I've been an adult and had a craving.   So.. for once.. I left Tina at home and went to the store completely alone.  We do pretty much everything together, so I thought it would be cool to go out get the stuff to cook, then go home and cook it up for her and the kids on our anniversary.  

I got everything I needed and was on my way to the car with my cart of groceries when...

Speaking of work, I've been really busy these past few weeks.   My co-worker was away on his honeymoon, so I was the only supervisor in the office.  It was nice, well, besides being sickly last week and really wishing her was here so I could stay home in bed.

When I was feeling well, I was enjoying the freedom of not having to work with anyone but me and my boss.  He doesn't usually ask much of me and lets me do my thing and run things the way I like to.  When my co-worker is here I have to compromise alot more than I like.

My staff is awesome.. so supportive.  They've all become extended family to me. 

 

---

 

On family...

I miss them.  Haven't seen them in about a month, so a trip up there is definitely coming soon.  The kids grow so fast.. I don't want to miss seeing them as they turn into bigger little people.

My mom and I got into a pretty heated arguement last time I saw her.  Things are ok now, lets just say I got offended by some stuff that was said.   She knows it's a button she shouldn't push with me.

Stuff at home with my new family has been sweet, well again besides me and Jeremie being sick as dogs last week.   Anyone who knows me knows how much happier I am now that I'm with TIna.   I was so worried about what it would be like moving into a home with 1.5 grown kids (Jeremie's got a few years before he can be considered grown).. would they accept me... be comfortable around me,  you know...  well. it seems as though everyone has adjusted just fine.   I really love living there with them and I hope they all know it.

 

---

 

We saw the 3rd X-men over the weekend.  It rocked.  I hope they make a 4th.

 

---

 

I was a little disappointed by the Sopranos mid-season finale last night.  They aren't going to finish the 6th season until next year.   I'm happy that AJ finally got some nookie.. he seems to finally be growing up. 

 

---

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh . 

I did something pretty big this past weekend.  Can't really talk about the details just yet, but let's just say it's huge, it's good and that I will blog about it as soon as I can.   Yeah.. BIG.

 

 

So this morning I get up bright and early to go with Tina to the dentist.   She has had a wisdom tooth that's needed to be yanked for about a year.  I remember way back when it first started hurting.  It was finally at the point where it needed to come out, so she made the appt.

The waiting room at the dentist had a huge and really pretty salt water fish tank.  Nemo and Dorrie were in there.. and some starfish and a bunch of other tropical fish. It was funny because in finding Nemo the movie they were in a fish tank at a Dentist's office.  LOL...

Anyway... the Dr. was cool and let me go in with her to watch.  I figured since she was going to be awake through it all, she could use the moral support. 

So in the "operating room" LOL we are greeted by tina's full grill x-rays:

Do ya see the size of those roots?? GAWD!! and no anesthesia (well novocaine hardly qualifies).

Here's Tina getting dosed up on laughing gas...:

Isn't she cute..??  That mask was hilarious!!

She was starting to feel drunk right about here...

 yep 5 shots of novocaine and enough laughing gas for a small village to feel it and she was on her way to losing that monster of a tooth.

Yep!! Blasted!!!! LOL she was adorable.. and a trooper if I ever saw one.

So.. then Doc comes back in.. and his assistant gets the tools ready.  We'd been there about an hour and a half at this point, waiting for the novocaine to fully numb her.  The dentist wanted ehr to go to an oral surgeon for this, bcz the roots were so big but without dental insurance that woulda been impossible.  He kept saying what a big deal it was and how serious. 

Tina was awesome.. I sat there rubbing her leg while he was pulling.. she was so good.  Barely even flinched.  It was really cool to watch,  I got nervous at one point because her tooth broke the first time he tried to pull it and I thought that meant he'd have to drill it out or something.  He just kept chiseling away on the sides of her tooth to try and separate it from her gums and finally got the grip he wanted and yanked that sucker out.

Here's a picture of her tooth all bloody when it first got pulled out:

Here's a close-up:

The Dr. let her keep the tooth so she could show the kids..LOL.  Tina got a few stitches to close up the grand canyon in the back of her mouth.  Poor baby... has to eat mush for a while before she will be able to chew solid food. 

She gets to take Vicaden  (sp?) for the pain..

 

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On another note.. my car needs repairs.  The poor thing's been squealing for a few days, and today I noticed that the front left break shoes are trying to jump off..  that's not normal wear and tear, that's defective breaks.  I really hope it's covered under warranty.  It was scary driving it home from having lunch.  Gonna drop it by the dealership tomorrow so they can look at it Monday. 

Later!

 June is gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender (glbt) pride month.  It's the time of year when even not-so-out folks display their pride by attending pride events.  I love pride. 

Every year for the past 6-7 years, I've been going down to Manhattan to attend the NYC pride festivities.  Usually this entails the women's nightclub events at Chelsea piers and then the gay pride parade on Sunday .  I get together with my closest gay friends and straight allies and head down on the Metro-north railroad where the entire train is packed with "family". My GLBT family. 

Everyone's proudly wearing their rainbow gear and smiling at each other as a sign of acceptance and love for each other.  It's the one time of year where many GLBT people feel safe to be openly who they are.

There is still so much hate in this world.. in this country.  It burns me to know that people just like me still get mocked, beaten and sometimes murdered because they are queer.   I read a story just yesterday on CNN about a gay dance music artist/singer who was brutally beaten in NYC just recently because he was gay.  This has got to stop.  We are discriminated against more often than not.

I'm fortunate to live in a more liberal and urban part of the country/world.    It's common here to see pride stickers on cars or see other queer peeps out and about.  Our town has pride festivities which is impressive because it's a suburban upper-class town. 

This morning Tina and I stopped at our local Fairfield Cumby's to get some coffee on the way in  to work.  Behind the register was a beautiful young African-American transgender woman getting trained as a cashier by an older woman who worked at the store.   This was beautiful for me to see.   Seeing things like this is always a reminder of how it's unfortunately still so uncommon - even in today's day and age - to see that type of public acceptance.  She was a sweetie too.. so confident, so proud.  She smiled at us (Tina wearing her pride rings around her neck and me, well, more obviously queer) and asked us "Will you be at pride this year?" to which we excitedly replied, "We can't wait"!!

Tina and I will be staying in NYC for the festivities.  This will be her first time ever in a gay NYC club.   She's gonna have a blast!  We're teaming up with some of our closest friends and renting a 3 bedroom apt to share for the night.  We're gonna dance our @sses off till the sun comes up (ready to break night, babygirl?) and go back for a few hours of sleep and a long day outside celebrating our Dyke Pride. 

Then we are going to be staying in Brooklyn at a friend of Tina's house.  (Thanks for the hospitality, can't wait to meet you!!) and Monday Tina has an audition to be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire -Movie Week.  Those of you who know T, know that she's a movie buff. Now those of you who don't know her know it too..lol.  She talks, lives, breathes movie lines.  It's amazing to me since I forget a movie as soon as the credits start rolling. 

HAPPY PRIDE, EVERYONE!!

 

Last night, at approximately 11 PM, I was down on bended knee asking the most amazing woman on the planet to be my wife.   She's wearing my ring and I couldn't be happier..SHE SAID YES!!!!!!  This is a tremendous honor... I'm looking forward to planning the wedding once we're done basking in the glow ;)

I've already told the majority of my friends... now I just have to tell the rest of my family.   My brother, sister and a few cousins already know.

I'm gonna refer you to my Fiance's entry (omg that's the first time I've written that) for all the details. 

 

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Tina baby.. I love you.  Thank you for this incredible honor.  I promise to take care of you and keep you happy always.  I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life loving you for the rest of yours.
                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                          Always,
                                                                                                                                                     Jessie

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me

when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you wrong
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

 

                                                                                                                  -Sade

Well, it's official now.  Though I've been living at Tina's since sometime in February, I had only moved in a few bags of clothes and a few other things that I need on a daily.  

Saturday was moving day.  Went and picked up the U-Haul Saturday morning and headed up to Wtby with Tina and Jeremie.   We got to my friend Roni's house and started moving the stuff into the van.  My Godson Javi and Jeremie did most of the heavy lifting at that point and they did it so quick!  Props to these young gentlemen for all their hard work ;)

We stopped by my mom's to say hello and have a quick visit, my sister came by with the kids.  It was great to see them too.  My nephew Eric will be 5 next month.  I can't wait!!!  Little Julia is getting so big too.  Prettier everytime I see her. 

Then we took off to go home and get the room ready for the furniture.  Lots of spring cleaning involved, laundry, moving Tina's desk to it's new location.   Then it was time to move in the furniture.  By then we were feeling pretty spent.. hot and sweaty... tired.   We got the furniture in while J unloaded all the boxes and other stuff.  He was so helpful all day and even managed to completely clean his room in the process.

Then, Sunday we woke up to bring back the van and went out to breakfast.  It was nice to sit down together and talk.  We had been so busy Saturday we didn't have any real down time.

Then back to the house to finish setting stuff up and organizing our room.   We are finally done and it looks great!  It seems bigger.. even with the huge dressers.  I think the mirror helps. 

Anyway.. it feels good having a few pieces of me in there now.  I feel like I'm home.

 

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On another note..   I've been engayged for three days now and it's finally sunk in that she said yes.  I love seeing that ring on her finger and calling her my fiance... lol.  

I told my mom, she said congratulations.   She seems to be handling it better than I thought she would.

My sister is happy about it.. so is my bro.  That's comforting. ;)   Everyone else I've told has been really happy about it. 

Tina's family and circle of friends are also really cool and supportive.   I couldn't be happier or more proud to be so attached to such an incredible woman.  This is like a dream.

Ok, so since Tina's done with her internship, we'll be going to the gym 3-4 times a week from now on.   I am looking forward to it.  I've never been one to stick to it when I join a gym.  I'm lazy.. I'd rather sit in front of a computer or watch TV than work out.  

I want muscles, dammit!  LOL.. I want to look good in a tank top or when I'm at the beach.  I don't want to lose weight, just want definition.  I want big arms, a strong back and a 6 pack.   So.. wish me luck that I can stick to it.  Hopefully since I will be goin with my Angel, we can keep each other motivated.  Hey baby! MUAH ;) We're gonna do this, right??

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What else?? Hmmm...  I want another tattoo.. I've got a couple of ideas in mind.  There's a scar on my arm that I've had for a long time.   I put it there when I was younger.. I was a cutter.  Anyway.. I want to get a tattoo to cover it.  It's big, and I am tired of seeing it everyday.  Not to mention I love tattoos and have always wanted a big one on my arm.  I will get it once my arms look the way I'd like them to.

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Had a great weekend with T.  The Gala.. seeing her in that dress.  It was a really great night.  Then on Sunday, we BBQ'd at the house and ate outside.  Something that we are planning to do together every Sunday night this summer.   I really enjoyed it.  Living with Tina and the kids is even better than I had expected.   :)

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Ok.. well I need to go pretend to work or something.  T's on her way to pick me up for lunch.  ;)

 

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Having my family over was really nice too.  It's great that my sister and Tina get along so well.  Sarah isn't the easiest woman in the world to get along with.  She's difficult to read.  People often mistake her quietness for an attitude.  She's one of the sweetest people I know.  I love the kid, so it means alot that they are meshing so well.

 

The kids love Tina too.  That's another big plus. 

 

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I've got some skeletons in my closet
and I don't know if no one knows it,
so before they throw me inside my coffin and close it
I'ma expose it...

 

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No one is perfect.  I'm nowhere near perfect and never will be.  A short list of some of the bad things I've done in the past:

• I've hurt people I love(d). 
• I've consciously made decisions, knowing that they would negatively impact other people's lives because the end result would work out to my own benefit. 
• I've been selfish.
• I've lied.
• I've cheated.
• I've betrayed.
• I've said mean and hurtful things. 

I'm not proud of any of these things, but have a certain respect for my mistakes because I've learned from them and believe that I am a better person than I was because of the pain that came attached to each one.  Also.. please keep in mind there were other things going on which may or may not have lead to my poor choices above.

There are many good things too:

• I've always been good at making people laugh.
• I've always been extremely affectionate.
• I've always been really close to my family.
• I would kill myself to protect someone I love.
• I will do anything I can to help the people I love when they need it.
• When I love someone I really love them and they know it.
• I can handle a WHOLE lot of negativity in my life before I break and do something that's not so good.
• I wear my heart on my sleeve and will openly discuss anything about myself with anyone who I believe cares about me enough to hear it.

My questions are: 

1. Why do a few mistakes which were made surrounding a couple of situations in my life leave me with the "perpetual d!ckhead" reputation?  
2. Do a few mistakes (big mistakes..sure) define me? Define my character?  Make me  "Jess the one who does ____" ? 
3. Or am I something other than a person capable of bad things.. (we all are.. assuming we're all human)

All I know is that as long as I'm happy with who I am, and my partner is too, life is good.  It's really all that matters. 

Got any skeletons in your closet you wanna talk about?  Feel free to air your dirty laundry in my comments box. 

Tina and the kids are in North Carolina visiting Bobbie and family and time is going by soooo slowly.  I wish I could have gone, but my co-worker got married today and took the next 2 weeks off.  We both can't be out on the same day, so I had to stay home.  Bobbie's daughter's sweet sixteen is tonight.  Happy Birthday Ashley!

Tina's been doing alot of running around down there, so I really haven't been able to talk to her a whole lot.  I miss her so much... sooo much!  I miss all of them.  The house is so empty without them all talking and moving around all over the place.  Me and Mickey have been pretty mizzy.

 

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Today was semi-productive though.. I washed and ironed all of my work shirts.  I haven't ironed anything in a really long time. I always feel better when my shirts are pressed.  It took a long @ss time to do all that ironing.  I don't usually do it all at once like that.  Standing in the living room in front of the TV, the way my grandma does it when she irons all of grandpa's clothes.. lol

I also went out and mowed most of the lawn.  I would have finished f the damn lawn mower didn't cut off on me.  At first I thought it was just out of gas, but nope, it seems like it's bombed out.  Gotta get a new one I guess.  At least I was more than 3/4 of the way through it when it died.  Tina wants to get a manual one, but that seems like it would be a wicked work out on a hot day.  Today wasn't very hot, and I was beat after I did all that with a gas powered one!  Got pretty funky too! LOL

   

Tonight I watched a few movies and went to get Indian take-out - Chicken Tikka Masala and chapatti bread with chutneys.

               

 

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Tomorrow I am going out for lunch with my best friend.  It's been a while since we've hung out one on one, so I am really looking forward to it.  We're going to my favorite vietnamese restaurant in Hartford.  I haven't been there in a long time either so I can't wait.  Hopefully I get to see her brother too he's my godson..  I miss him to death. 

I plan on going to see mom and family in the morning before we get together. 

---

2 more nights..

2 more lonely nights... :(

 

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Why do I beg like a child for your candy?
Why do I come after you like I do? I love you...
Whate'er you are... I swear
You'll be my angel
You...

                                                             -Dave Matthews

Hurry home Angel..

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I got this recently and have to say that it's the best vibrator I've ever tried.  Wooooo! LOL

This particular model is waterproof, so that's a really cool feature since it can be used in the shower and it's easy to clean.

If you're looking for a good sex toy, check out http://therabbitvibrator.com and order one of these (lesbian run business).  They come with free lube and the owners were really cool to deal with. 

 

 

Been pretty sickly since Thursday.  Didn't do a whole lotta much over the weekend but lay around in bed.  Jeremie is sickly too... so far the girls are proving to have kick-ass immune systems.

It was really nice to lay around and do nothing with Tina.  She took such good care of me... made me chicken soup, was constantly right there trying to make me feel better... her soup was bangin' :)  Love me some soup. Thanks babe! 

Poor little J.  One of the swetest things I've EVER seen was him laying there all cuddled up with his head on Tina's lap the other night... he had a fever and Mom was rubbing his head and holding an ice pack on him to try to get his fever down.  It was so beautiful... I loved watching them together. 

Went to work today... shouldn't have.  All day I felt like I was going to collapse.  I hope this bug goes away quick.. I can't take much more.

Thanks for being such a good nurse, Angel.  I love you.

 

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On Work...

 

I got my first real review yesterday.  I was nervous about it, I don't really know why.  It was a rough year.. I came into the department stepping into one position that had previously been handled by three different supervisors.  I had to learn a business I knew nothing about, and get to know and build work relationships with over 40 people.  It was scary.  I remember leaving here practically in tears early on.  it was really stressful for me.  The stress manifested itself into disaster midway through the year when things outside of work started to distract me from work, and not to mention a second supervisor was finally hired to fill one of the other supervisor spots.   

 

Well.. the review was put together really well.  My manager addressed my weaknesses as well as gave me lots of credit where I deserved it.  I did really well in almost every category... (everyones got opportunities for improvement..lol)  It was a really good review and I find out in a couple of weeks what my raise will be.  Wish me luck!

 

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So.. I think it's safe to say that I've finally made an entry.  Hopefully it was an entry worth reading.

 

Oh.. and join my mailing list... I know you're lurkin', and it's safe to say you won't get a million email notifications from me every day since I only blog once in a blue. ;)

 

testing 1,2,3

King of Spadez

Means angel in Kanji.. it was for my baby.

:)

Us playin with the camera...

Tina took this pic of me... it's what I usually look like when Im home.. LAZY!

Comin home from Easter dinner at mom's.  Tina came with me :)

These pics are of me, my girl, friends and family.  I will be postin more pics soon :)

J

For a weekend update check out my baby's blog.  She wrote all about it and I was there for it all, so why re-type it? LOL

 

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Yesterday was Monday, and for those of you who know me, you know that I normally get off work somewhere between 8:30 (lucky nite) and 11:00 PM on Mondays due to heavy volumes.  Well, the scanner upgrade was so successful that now I am getting out between 6:00 and 7:00 (7 being late).  It's awesome because as soon as Tina is done with her classes, we won't have to deal with not seeing each other at all on Mondays.  What sucks is that I am not going to be able to sleep in anymore on Mondays.. or start work at 11.  I love sleeping in... I also love the fact that Monday mornings gave me an opportunity to schedule appointments and stuff ;)

 

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Lookin forward to the weekend already.  I'm gonna be heading up to Wtby to get my stuff (random items, clothes, furniture) that's been in storage since I moved in with my ex-roommate in November.  I can't believe that was 6 months ago.  I've been kinda livin out of piles and bags of stuff since I moved in with Tina and I am ready for my dressers.  They are solid pine with wraught (sp?) iron trim. 

Ok enough for now.. I'm gonna go take a hot shower and watch some TV.

J

 

So for the past week I have been breaking out in hives ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.  It came out of nowhere Sunday morning and hasn't stopped since.  Almost every time I've talked to someone about it they ask if I use cheap laundry detergent.  I've ALWAYS used cheap laundry detergent so I ruled it out.  Until this morning.. a co-worker told me that everyone in her family has had to go to the dermatologist for rashes that come out of nowhere.  In every case it was related to.. get this.. XTra laundry detergent (yeah the $2.99 cheap stuff that smells really good).  "She said girl, catch the sales at Walmart".  Baby.. I've gotta try a better brand.  This is SOOO uncomfortable.

 

It was the first thing my dermatologist suggested too, but I ruled it out because I've always used it.  I don't know what else it could be.

 

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Lurkers, Say Something!!!!
This is gonna be a sticky post for a while. A constant in your face reminder. lol

Seriously.. I know you read this.  I see my hit count change.  I see that I have a bazillion referrers listed.  I know you're there. Talk to me.. I need subscribers, dammit.  I'll do ANYTHING!!!! (well ALMOST anything).
Even my friends who read this don't comment... comment already and make yur boi's day..
Oh.. and if the first section or two of my entry is blank just scroll down and scroll back up.  I'm waiting for my personal
tech. support to fix it for me. ;)

lol.. me

at TCC Gala

Damn I love her

mmmhmmmmm

Dinner at Gala

couldn't be happier

Us at home before the Gala

Hello... been MIA for a while.  Work's been hectic and well outside of work I've been spending alot of time at Tina's with her and the kids.  It's been really nice.  I'm getting quite attached to them.  

I will post a longer entry from work tomorrow..  right now I'm getting sleepy and wanna lay down.

Later!

ahhhh.... life is sweet.  I haven't been this happy in I don't know how long!

Work has been busy but good.  Very productive.  I'm finally at the point where I am getting along better with my co-worker.  He gets on my nerves, but I have learned to tolerate him and how to get him off my back.  My boss and I have been meshing well.. he gave me a killer bonus a few weeks ago.   I have 2 positions open at the moment... interviewing has been tough, but I am pretty sure that whoever I find will be better than one of the ones that just left. OMG.. talk about nightmare.

Home life.. well as I said in my last entry.. I haven't really been home much lately.  I've been at Tina's (surprise!)

I have been really enjoying sleeping next to her at night.  I can't remember ever feeling THIS connected to anyone ever before.  She's so amazing.. I mean really amazing.  I like to watch her sleep.. waking up next to her in the morning... she likes to cuddle just as much as I do so that's been nice.  I can seriously see myself being really happy for a long time if this keeps up. 

Im really lookin forward to the season premiere of the sopranos on Sunday.  I'm trying to get Tina caught up on last season so she can watch it with me and  actually have a clue of what's going on.

Its supposed to be a really good LWord too. 

Nite..

It's that time of year again.. staff evaluations.  Holy hell there's so much to do.  This year was supposed to be better than last year because of the added Supervisor in the dept.  I was only going to have to do 12.  Turns out that's not the case.. since he's new and has never done it, I have to do all of his with him AND do mine.  Same amount of work,  less time to do it than last year and this time I have HIM to deal with.  At least I've been there a while now and know the staff and have the records I've kept throughout the year.  Did I mention he's been working with me since July???!!! I mean GAWD get it already!

 

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Tonight I'm at Tina's hangin' out w/ Jeremie while she's at class.  I was supposed to go to class with her but I decided to stay behind and make dinner. Spaghetti and garlic' bread.  It was good.   Jeremie helped me clean up the mess I made in the kitchen.. that was cool.  Now my baby has somethin to eat when she gets home :)

I like Jeremie... he's all sweet and affectionate.  Hangin' out with him is cool.. he knows SOOOOO much and what he doesn't know he makes up and sounds REALLY convincing.  :)

Exciting blog entry.. I know.  Sorry to disappoint.. sometimes I wonder why I bother blogging.  I guess because I've paid for another whole year's subscription.

Later..
J

 

 

This weekend I did something I once said I'd never do.  I covered the ladybug tattoo that's been on my hand for the past 3.5 years.   The ladybug was a sign of my commitment to my ex-partner.  When we got our commitment tats together, we both said that we'd keep them even if we someday broke up.

That was my intention, but since our big break-up back in September, it's been harder and harder for me to look at my hand.  Sort of the feeling of wanting to be able to take off a wedding ring but not being able to. 

I've moved on, into a new relationship.  It was weird sometimes to have that constant reminder of my past relationship right there in front of my face.

I needed something black and wanted to get something that I would be cool looking at for the rest of my life. So,  I covered it with a spade wearing a King's crown (King of Spades). This has meaning to me and I won't share what it is.  I like the design of it, the artist was pretty talented. 

I also decided to get another tattoo.  I got Japanese Kanji characters on my right wrist (love me them asians ;))... it says "Angel".  Hopefully I won't have to cover this one up someday.. lol.  I guess I could always just tell people it means something else.. they'd never know.  LOL

Tina came with me and watched me get them done.  She was funny.. wincing and having that look of "omg that's got to hurt" on that pretty face of hers.  It was nice to have the company. (Thanks, baby)

Anyway.. here are my tatts

Katie is having major surgery today so she won't read this until she's home.

I have to tell you, I've spent a lot of time worrying about her since I found out.   I have gotten past the worrying stage and now I'm not even worried because I KNOW she will pull through this.  Katie is one of the strongest people I've ever known.  She's got the biggest heart in the world and there is nothing she wouldn't do for someone in need.  I say someone, because Katie is the type of person who would give the shirt off her back to a total stranger.  It's hard to find people like her in this world.  You can't help but to love Katie.

So, Katie my friend you are right, you don't need luck.  You are going to get through this and will be fine.  You've got a circle of friends anf family who love you and are going to be here for you through the surgery, and your recovery.  Stay strong.

She's in good spirits.  Laughin, talkin (abt sex.. so she's herself), flirtin with her nurses.. ya know regular ol' Katie.

She's in pain.. but is taking it  "like a man".. it was really good to hang out with her.   I can't wait till she's up and around again.  :)

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After work, Tina and I are on our way to Smalbany to hang out with Eva and AB.  It's Eva's birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVA!!!!!

Can't wait to see you guys again!

J

Hello people.   I'm off today and tomorrow from work.  I remember the days of being psyched about having a day off... not anymore. 

My living arrangement makes it tough.  See I have this roommate who I actually do like.  We get along well, at first things were a little rocky, but we've overcome that and have actually started to become friends.  He's not really hard to live with.. we talk, we eat together.. he's made some strides to make me feel comfy here and it's been working.

The one thing that's tough is that I am an internet junky.. and he is too.  We share a computer.  It's his computer.  I only use it when he's not and he can literally be signed on for HOURS on end.  I hop on if he decides to take a nap or run an errand or when he goes to bed,  but the rest of the time he's got it on lock. 

Now being that my former days off from work used to be spent loungin around 1/2 nekkid in front of the puter doin my thing, I'm having a hard time adjusting to this type of break from work.  I'd almost rather BE at work, I get more internet time there!  Even with the damn firewalls!

 

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So.. went to the club on New Years!  It was kinda dead, but we had fun anyway.  Played pool, met some new peeps.  You know.. did the social thing.  Got to bring in the new year with an amazing (not to mention beautiful) woman *smile* and some good friends.. that was nice.   The way I hoped it would be.  Met some local lesbians that seem pretty cool.  Always lookin to expand the network.  I had a really great night.

There was this crazy straight couple there  - fighting.  The guy was psycho so we offered the girl a ride home.  Found out she had a few screws loose too..  still glad we got her home safe.  That dude was off his rocker.  He was gonna hurt her.  I don't take kindly to men gettin handsy with their women..

 

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So.. here's to 2006.  I hate making New Years resolutions, but I have to admit.. I have.

Here they are in order of necessity... LOL

1.  Not to be such a spazz.  To get a handle on my anxieties..and not be such a reactor.

2.  To not waste my self-focused energy on being selfish, but to use it toward bettering myself and becoming a stronger, more independent person.

3.  To take better care of my body.. it's the only one I will ever have.  I need to eat better, not smoke so much and not drink so much.  Wouldn't hurt to use the gym membership I pay for every month too..

4. To spend more time with my family (blood relatives and not) and make sure that they know how much they are valued.  I've been busy and I realized on Christmas that my niece is really shy around me.. It's because she doesn't see me often enough.

That's it.. in a nutshell.  I hope I am successful at at least a couple of these.

J